


Unbound

by dametokillfor



Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Childhood Trauma, ColdAtom Week 2016, M/M, Past Child Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-25
Updated: 2016-04-25
Packaged: 2018-06-04 10:52:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,609
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6655090
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dametokillfor/pseuds/dametokillfor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>He’s so close to someone who is supposed to be his world, who is supposed to be his reward for fighting all his battles and he wants him. He wants him so much, it's like a physical ache.</i><br/> <br/>---x</p><p>In which Len and Ray know they're soulmates, and their bond is trying to form, but Len doesn't want anything to do with it.</p><p>For ColdAtom Week day one, soulmates.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Unbound

**Author's Note:**

> **WARNING!** This fic does contain fairly graphic descriptions of a childhood trauma, and mentions of domestic violence. Len's Dad is a dickhole, what can I say? 
> 
> This is for day one of ColdAtom Week 2016, from the prompt _soulmates_.
> 
> On the whole, this was an absolute arse to get written. I've never written soulmate AU before, and it's not really my trope. I tried to go in a slightly different direction, have a little play with the idea of it being rare and bonds being fought. I just hope I've managed to do it justice!

Ray hates these team celebrations, the tiny parties they have in Rip's office when they've pushed Savage's plan back by a few years, or when they've not died, or when they've beaten some insurmountable odds. They've not beaten anything, the difference they've made this far is negligible, how can they keep celebrating that?

His hand is clasping his vodka too tightly, the glass threatening to break in his hand and as the coolness of the ice flows through the glass into his fingers, calming him, he realizes that he doesn't hate these team parties, Leonard does.

Ray can feel his mark burning, the strange sensation of each letter being traced over with a searing needle, spelling the name _Leonard Snart_. He’s more conscious of it than ever now, now that he’s on the Waverider, now that Snart is there with him.

Ray had never put much stock in soulmates, had fallen in love with two brilliant women and seen a real life with them. He’d never felt obligated to wait for a relationship with a man he might never meet. He’d seen Snart on the news, knew who he was even while he was with Felicity. Past acknowledging to himself that Snart was gorgeous, he’d not really felt any desperate urge to track him down.

But now he’s met him, and knows him to a certain extent, everything is different. Ray can feel Leonard’s presence everywhere, is drawn to him constantly. He wants to be near him all the time, wants to touch him, hold him, kiss him, fuck him, just be by his side. The bond isn’t sealed, and their connection is so raw that it’s almost physically painful even thinking about anything that isn’t Leonard. 

It should be something special, soulmarks are still an incredibly rare phenomenon in the 21st century, the fact Leonard and Ray have even found one another is nothing short of miraculous. They should be discovering their bond, exploring what it can do, how it can work for them, how it can work for the team. Instead Leonard won't even give him the time of day, is distancing himself, and is sometimes downright cruel, leaving Ray to deal with two sets of conflicting feelings in his head alone.

He watches as Leonard and Mick talk, their heads bent close together. There's a closeness there that Ray envies a little. Does Snart wish Mick had been his soulmate? Someone that makes sense as his partner. Does Mick know? Rip knows about them, Ray believes the others just think there’s some thick sexual tension between the pair of them, something that could be solved by fucking it out. 

Ray wishes it was so easy. 

“You know, you two could just talk to each other.” Kendra suggests, as she settles next to Ray, “I hear that does wonders for relationships.”

“Filthy lie.” Ray says, “I'm a doctor. I know these things.”

“I'm a four thousand year old hawk goddess. I know better.” Kendra replies.

Ray offers up a glare, but he's thinks it just looks like a kicked puppy. From the way Kendra smiles at him, and wraps an arm round his back, he's certain it does.

“So what’s going on with you two?” Kendra asks, “I can’t figure you out.”

“It's complicated.” Ray says. It's the shittiest answer in the book, but the most realistic.

“Try me.”

Ray takes a moment, tries to figure out how to explain what's happening, before deciding on doing it the easy way. He rolls up his sleeve, holds his arm out to Kendra, so she can see the name across his wrist. 

“He's my soulmate, and he hates me.” Ray says. 

Kendra reaches out to run a finger across the mark, but Ray pulls his hand back. She looks up at him, a flash of hurt across her features.

“I’m sorry, um, if anyone else touches the mark, the pain is unbearable.” Ray explains.

(When Anna had first touched the mark, it felt like hot needles were being slid into his eyes. Over the years, the pain has hit him twice more, but when he's been alone, as if someone was touching his name on Leonard.)

Kendra nods, “So this is because your bond is trying to form, and neither of you want it?”

Ray has the good grace to stay silent. He doesn't know how to explain to Kendra that actually yes, he wants it. He’s so close to someone who is supposed to be his world, who is supposed to be his reward for fighting all his battles and he wants him. He wants him so much, it's like a physical ache. The mark stings, the needle like pain running across it again, faster and faster. Ray grips his wrist, his eyes instinctively flicking to Leonard to see if he's safe. He's holding his own wrist, his teeth gritted, and has his eyes firmly fixed on Ray. 

_Stop_ , Ray hears clearly in his head, in Snart's voice, _Stop it_.

There are a thousand things Ray wants to think back at him, but none of them come to the forefront. They simply continue staring at each other, Ray hoping everything is visible in his eyes, in his face. 

There’s a grunt in his head. Leonard tears his eyes from his face and storms from the room. Sara calls after him, and fuck, why couldn't she be Snart's soulmate? (A burn flashes across the name).

“Ray.” Kendra’s voice is soft, comforting, exactly the opposite of Leonard, “As someone who knows a little something about soulmates? You need to talk to him, to work this out.”

“I was thinking I might just keep drinking vodka, til I pass out and Sara drunkenly draws a mustache on my face.”

Kendra pats his arm, smiles sweetly at him, “Oh Ray, it wouldn’t be a mustache.”

\---x 

Aside from a few intense, hot, desperate, passionate dreams that night, Leonard and Ray continue to avoid the growing tension between them. It’s easier that way. Leonard isn’t one for genuine feelings with anyone, and Ray is pretty certain he’d just end up making some stupid comments that would piss Leonard off even further.

Either that or he’d let Leonard seep through the unfixed bond, and be just as nasty, just as sarcastic and it would end in violence. 

Maybe that actually wouldn’t be such a bad idea. 

\---x

“It would appear Vandal Savage’s latest scheme involves exploiting the connection between soulmates.” 

Of course it does. 

Ray and Leonard pointedly avoid looking at one another, but Ray’s mark is burning and he can only assume Leonard’s is doing the same. Ray listens without comment as Rip explains that Savage is using bonded couples as soldiers due to their telepathic connections, shared strength and unwavering loyalties. 

As soulmates are still a fairly new concept, there are questions, mostly from the two halves of Firestorm. Stein questions if it’s like the bond he and Jax share as Firestorm, before quickly pointing out he’s not romantically interested in Jax. Jax snorts, “You should be so lucky, Grey.” 

Sara mentions that soulmates were utilized by the League in the same way as Savage, and she has some ideas about how to proceed in this mission.

Jax interrupts to ask if it’s like the whole thing with Kendra and Carter. Kendra explains that what happened with her and Carter was similar, but they don’t share the telepathic link. They have a shared past, and shared memories, but they can function without one another. 

“ _Anyway,_ ” Sara cuts in, “I’ll take Leonard and Ray…”

At their names, both Leonard and Ray look up, straight at each other. Leonard looks exhausted, Ray can’t imagine he looks much better. Ray wants to hold him, take him to bed and just hold him as they sleep for a week, letting the skin to skin contact cement their damn bond and ending this damn standoff. 

“Mr. Snart and Doctor Palmer will be remaining aboard the ship for the duration of this mission.” Rip says, in a voice which beggars no questioning. 

“Or they’ll come with me, and I’ll have a point man I can trust, and Ray’s suit to access the room Savage is holding the soulmates in.” 

“And you’ll hand deliver Savage a shiny new pair of soulmates,” Leonard pipes up, “Complete with dangerous weaponry.”

“Your bond isn’t fixed yet, and you’re fighting it, which would make you too dangerous to be a part of his plans.” Sara points out.

It takes a moment for what’s just been said to sink in, the fact Leonard has outed them as soulmates, and the fact Sara already knows. Mick looks unsurprised, which also doesn’t surprise Ray. Mick probably knew from day one, Mick is probably one of the people who touched the mark.

“A murderer and a brilliant scientist. Fate is funny.” Stein quips. 

“Hilarious.” Jax agrees, with an amused smile, “This explains everything about you two.”

“Mr. Snart and Doctor Palmer,” Rip announces loudly, ending the gossip session, “will be remaining on the ship for the duration of this mission.”

And that’s that.

\---x

Ray doesn’t know whether to be surprised or not when Leonard is the one who approaches him after the team have left. The ship has been locked down, so they couldn’t get off to provide back up even if they wanted to. (Or rather, they shouldn’t get off to provide back up. Both Leonard and Ray could tinker their way out if they needed to). 

Ray has gone back to his quarters, because he really is tired and maybe a nap would do him some good. He’s just drifting off, arms wrapped tightly around himself because it’s comfortable and not his way of pretending he’s being held, when Snart speaks up.

“I was 9 when you were born.” 

Ray really wishes he’d try something mundane, like hello, or you’re an idiot Raymond. He rolls over, looks up to see Leonard leaning against the doorjamb, all tall and lean and gorgeous and his. 

“It was a complicated birth, over 36 hours of labour. You stopped breathing twice, doctors did wonder if you were going to make it, but you were a damn fighter.” Leonard reels off facts that he shouldn’t know, “You came out with the mark.”

Leonard rolls his sleeve up, reveals his own mark ‘Raymond Palmer’ as clear as day across his wrist, “I was 9 when mine appeared, after an 'episode'. 3AM, I wake up and I’m terrified, don’t know why. I wrap myself in my sheets, make myself as small as I can, and I try to calm myself down.”

Ray sits up, feels like this is something he needs to pay more attention to. He has to stop himself from running over to Leonard and throwing his arms around him.

“I don’t know how long I’ve been crying when the tears stop coming, and I’m still screaming. I’m wet, everywhere, from sweat, from piss, from tears, vomit. I’m a mess, and it just won’t stop. I want to call for help, but my Mom is away with Lisa, and my Dad would probably have tried to beat it out of me.”

Ray’s on his feet as soon as he hears the hitch in Len’s voice. He’s careful not to touch Len’s skin, rests a hand on his arm, squeezes to let him know he’s there. 

“Dad finds me the next evening, he had a hangover to sleep off.” Leonard explains, “And he screams at me, figures yelling is the way to stop the kid from being frightened. After about an hour of that, a few slaps, he finally figures I’m not screwing with him.

“He calls my Mom, yells at her for giving him a broken son and demands she come back and fix me, or he’ll have to teach her a goddamn lesson. So she gets there, pulls the blankets from me, and sees the state I’m in. I pull the blankets back, the light is too much, and I can’t handle it. She stays with me, talks to me, even though I can’t say shit back.”

“It’s around 4AM the next morning when the terror finally passes, when I can breathe again and I can bear the light and everything around me. Mom takes me, cleans me up and that’s when she sees the mark on my wrist. With the pain of everything else, I haven’t even noticed it was there. She runs a finger over it, and it feels like there’s knives being thrust into my eyes.”

Ray takes a moment to let what’s been said sink in, to really make sense, “I was born at 4.08. You felt me being born.” 

“Bingo.” Leonard says, voice slipping back to his easy drawl. 

The trauma that Leonard went through when Ray was born, the pain and terror he felt then. Ray gets it. 

“And you don’t want to feel my death.”

“No matter how much I offer to be the source of it.” Leonard replies, “Though you’ve got it a little mixed up, it’s not that I don’t want to feel yours.”

He trails off, there are some things even Leonard isn’t going to say yet, no matter how honest they’re being. Now Ray really gets it. Leonard pushing him away, distancing himself from their bond, his unwillingness to cement it and let it reach its full strength. 

“You don’t want me to feel you die.” 

“I’m loathe to use bingo again…”

Ray is hit with an overwhelming urge to punch Leonard, but the skin on skin contact would seal the bond, and while it’s fitting for them, Ray would prefer to do it differently. 

“You know that I am going to feel your damn death regardless, right Snart?” Ray’s hand tightens on Leonard’s arm, “That even if we don’t seal this bond, even if we didn’t have a bond, I would feel your death, because I actually care about you.”

“Not like that.” Leonard snaps back, “You feel it, you get over it. We bond, and you will never be the same. You will never be okay again. Soulmates who lose their partner have been known to go insane from the grief, and because you feel literally everything, you will be one of them and I can’t have that happen to anyone because of me. Feeling your goddamn birth nearly killed me, so I can’t let my death kill you.”

“You planning on dying soon, Snart?” 

“You think I’ve got a long life ahead of me, Raymond?” 

A heavy silence passes between them. No words are said, but the intensity of the argument causes emotions to flicker around in Ray’s head, words, phrases. 

_Deserves better._

_Criminal._

_Genius._

_Will kill him myself._

_Scared._

_Angry._

_Hate._

_Suffer._

_fucking yoda._

_Want._

_Can’t want._

_Want, want, want, want, want._

“Len,” Ray says, softly, “I want it too, all of it. I’m not afraid of losing you, I’m afraid of missing out on what we could have.”

He lets go of Leonard’s arm, lifts his hand to his face. His fingers hover over the skin. There’s warmth radiating from him, and Ray wants to laugh. He wants to touch, hopes Leonard can feel that from him, that he doesn’t care about the future, about who Leonard was, what he’s done, cares about him for who he is. 

“Raymond.”

“I think you can call me Ray now.” 

Len smiles at him, really smiles, and Ray thinks he’s completely in love. 

" _Raymond._ " 

Rather than leaning into Ray’s hand, because Len is still a contrary bastard, he leans forward and presses his lips to Ray’s. 

Ray wouldn't have him any other way.

\---x

**Author's Note:**

> Come squee with me on [Tumblr ](http://damnstevens.tumblr.com).


End file.
